An acute grief reaction is a normal, understandable reaction to loss. Individuals react in different ways, but typically they:

  • feel overwhelmed by loss
  • are preoccupied with the loss
  • may have physical symptoms following loss

Individual grief experiences vary enormously, they depend on:

  • the type of loss (e.g. a loved one, health, social status and lifestyle through the loss of a job, or the breakdown of a relationship)
  • the nature of the loss (expected versus unexpected, traumatic loss, concurrent multiple stressful events, multiple losses)
  • the individual suffering the loss (e.g. coping strategies, age, spiritual health, previous experience of loss) and their social context (e.g. family systems, access to support, cultural context)

Grief may affect other psychiatric conditions. It can also be absent, delayed or chronic.

Signs and symptoms

Besides the emotional response to loss, symptoms resembling depression can occur:

  • low or sad mood
  • disturbed sleep
  • loss of appetite
  • loss of interest
  • restlessness
  • guilt or self-criticism about actions not taken by the person before the death of the loved one
  • fleeting hallucinations of the deceased person such as hearing their voice
  • thoughts of joining the deceased

The individual may:

  • withdraw from usual activities and social contacts
  • find it difficult to think of the future
  • increase his / her use of drugs or alcohol

Symptoms can be obvious, but it can also be hidden. Reactions to loss may only be revealed after careful questioning.

 

Options

Losing someone or something you love is very painful. After a significant loss, you may experience all kinds of difficult and surprising emotions, such as shock, anger, and guilt. Sometimes it may feel like the sadness will never end. While these emotions can feel very painful, they are normal reactions to loss and experiencing them is a necessary part of healing.

As you deal with your loss, remember that there is no order or timetable for loss. Everyone grieves differently, but there are healthy ways to cope and heal from the pain.

  • There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
  • After an important loss you may feel intense sadness, crying, anger, disbelief, anxiety, guilt or irritability.
  • You may experience preoccupation with the deceased (including hearing or seeing the person).
  • A desire to discuss the loss is normal and beneficial to you.
  • Seek support from local agencies, which offer bereavement counselling and aim to help guide you through your normal grief.
  • If a loss can be predicted, seek support for yourself and family which can lead you through the challenges ahead with appropriately paced and guided discussion, shared understanding based on the person's world view and optimal physical care.
  • Talk about the deceased and the circumstances of the death. This can provide you with a useful narrative about your loss which will help you in the future.
  • Ask questions to enable you to understand what happened at the time of death.
  • Be aware that recovery will take time (grief has to run its course). There is no set timetable for grieving. Some reduction in burdens (e.g. work or social commitments) may be necessary.
  • Be aware that intense grieving will fade slowly but that reminders of the loss may continue to provoke feelings of loss and sadness.
  • Cry if the need is there and don't be surprised if you cry more than normal, even if it is in unusual places.
  • Accept help from others but don't let people pressure you to do things that don't feel right or before you are ready.
  • Don't feel guilty if you do not always feel upset. There will be many occasions when you need to carry on with everyday things.
  • Take care of yourself and try to eat sensibly and rest.
  • Try and keep life as normal as possible, with some sort of routine.
  • If you can, avoid any major changes in the first year, such as moving house.
  • Take things a day at a time when you are feeling low, but be ready, as time passes, to try new things and meet people.

 

Friends and family

It can be tough to know what to say or do when someone you care about is grieving. It's common to feel helpless, awkward, or unsure. You may be afraid of intruding, saying the wrong thing, or making the person feel even worse. Or maybe you feel there's little you can do to make things better.

Whilst you can't take away the pain of the loss, you can provide much-needed comfort and support. There are many ways to help a grieving friend or family member, starting with letting the person know you care.

  • Offer comfort and reassurance without minimizing the loss.
  • Let the bereaved person talk about how their loved one died.
  • Be willing to sit in silence.
  • Accept and acknowledge all feelings.
  • Seek support from available agencies, this may range from voluntary agencies to secondary mental health services.
  • Take into account the cultural context of the loss.
  • Listening and giving a sense of 'being there' for the individual may be all that is needed.
  • Remember that people react to grief in different ways, within a family this can be difficult.
Back to Mental Health Problems

Military Mental Health Service Contact Details


St. George's Hospital,
Corporation Street,
Stafford,
ST16 3AG